I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
