there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
