I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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