She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Congratulations! We have a period
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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