So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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