He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
