ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Randomize
