I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
