living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
