Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Liz is crying about burritos again.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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