yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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