News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
