I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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