God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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