umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
