Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Randomize
