ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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