he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
