Banned from zoo.
Again?
my being single is dangerous.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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