Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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