she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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