i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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