i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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