the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
