i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
