i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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