Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
