i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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