worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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