I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
