"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
