He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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