its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
