Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
