I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
