If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
