I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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