Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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