I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
