3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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