imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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