Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
