Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
