I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
