Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
