I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
