walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
