Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
