he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
