I'm going to jail i love you
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
